Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
