whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
