I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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