Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
