Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
