we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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