take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He kissed a someone with a penis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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