tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
