If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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