After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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