it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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