Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
PANTIES FOUND
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