sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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