there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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