The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
