At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Found your dick twin last night
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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