Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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