And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
