So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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