I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
