If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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