I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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