I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
