She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
