i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
