Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
