Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
