dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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