I'm really into asian looking animals
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
