watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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