She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
