somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Less talking, more tequila
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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