We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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