Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
