Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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