ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
