at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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