It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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