New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
