i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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