it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We have started to decorate penises.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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