no, he came in my armpit
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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