Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
