I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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