If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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