I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
