Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
