keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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