I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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