Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
