then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
