Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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