Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
