Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
