Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
