I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
