Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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