Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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