i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize