yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How's work?
Spinning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just want to make out with him forever
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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