I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
