You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
