apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
