Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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