You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
