I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
